6月21日
VOLVO NAMES GREATEST PIRATES OF ALL TIME
Ten days into its global, multi-media treasure hunt for a Volvo XC90 V8 that has been buried somewhere in the world, Volvo Cars Corporation today named the greatest pirates of all time.
“We thought it would be helpful to give those hunting for our buried pirate car some roll models from throughout history to look to for guidance,” said Volvo Cars spokesperson, Helen Gore. “Not that we’re condoning everything that the tougher characters on our list stood for, but at the very least, they can be looked to for inspiration, wardrobe tips and a passion for acquiring things without paying for them – a.k.a. pirates booty.”
- Blackbeard. “Terrorizing the Caribbean and Atlantic in the early 1700’s, he led a crew of 300 but was a slave to fear inspiring fashion – sporting a long, braided beard with ribbons, a burning rope underneath his hat and an iron fist.”
- The Great Pirate Roberts. “Roberts was tall, dark and handsome. He adorned himself in a crimson waistcoat, breeches, a hat with a feather, a diamond cross on a golden chain around his neck and two pairs of pistols at the end of a silk sling around his shoulder. Scary? Maybe not like Blackbeard, but a successful buccaneer all the same.”
- An Unnamed Band of Ex-Enron Executives. “What’s the old saying – the pen is mightier than the sword, especially when held by a creative accountant?”
- Anyone who has a friend or relative with cable repair experience and a toolbox. “Pirated cable – ever heard of it?”
- Captain Kidd. “A pirate hunter turned pirate, Kidd’s short but successful career plundering vessels was crowned by taking a 400-ton merchant treasure ship. Kidd was caught shortly thereafter and sent to England were he was executed. Ouch.”
- Willie Stargell. “One of the all-time great Pittsburgh Pirates, he deposited leather treasure in the outfield bleachers exactly 475 times over his 20-year, Hall of Fame career.”
- Derek Brooks (Tampa Bay Buccaneers). “He’s a modern day Buccaneer and the undisputed leader of one of the NFL’s most feared defenses. This salty, all-pro linebacker patrols the field like a mad pirate on the high seas; sacking quarterbacks, stealing footballs and protecting the goal line.”
- Captain Hook (the band). “These rockers really knew how to shake a wooden leg!”
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